


Rose: Respond to Memo

by Anonymous



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-22
Updated: 2010-10-22
Packaged: 2017-10-16 01:38:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/167038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Captchalogue Prompt: WHAT IS IT WITH YOU HUMANS AND OUR FEMALES<br/>Karkat isn't happy about Rose's *obvious* seduction of Kanaya, either. (Whether there is actually any basis to this is totally up to anon.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rose: Respond to Memo

First time writing pesterlog fic, hope it's alright O:

?CG at ??:?? opened memo on board FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY.

Current tentacleTherapist [CTT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo  
CTT: I really don’t have the time for this.  
?CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP OKAY  
?CG: MY HEAD IS ALREADY POUNDING FROM DEALING WITH THE INSUFFERABLE PRICK AND THE INCOMPETENT DOOFUS  
?CG: JUST. SHUT THE FUCK UP. OH BUT WHO AM I KIDDING YOU’RE THE ONE WHO TALKS THE MOST.  
?CG: LINES AND LINES OF GOGDAMN WORDS THAT SEND CERTAIN STUPID FEMALES ENAMOURED WITH TERRIBLE BOOKS AND HUGE BITCHES INTO SCARLET THROES OF PASSION.  
?CG: I’M BARFING RIGHT NOW JUST THINKING ABOUT IT.   
CTT: If this is indicative of the tone this conversation will take, I’m going to go.  
?CG: NO NO FUCK  
?CG: THIS IS IMPORTANT.  
?CG: I AM DEAD FUCKING SERIOUS.  
CTT: Hm, well I suppose the curiosity will haunt me if I leave now.  
CTT: Fine then, please explain what has you in such a state of emotional turmoil.  
?CG: OKAY YOU ARE OFFICIALLY THE SMARTEST HUMAN. EVEN IF YOU ARE COMPLETELY BATSHIT BANANAS AND INCAPABLE OF A SIMPLE FUCKING SENTENCE.   
CTT: I’m honoured, I assure you. Should I prepare a speech for my awards ceremony?  
?CG: URGH WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY.  
?CG: ABOUT THE SHUTTING UP.  
CTT: My apologies.  
?CG: I’VE ALREADY HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOUR SNARKY HORSESHIT JEGUS GOG WHY DO I EVEN HAVE TO DO THIS FOR YOU  
?CG: YOU SHOULD REALLY REPEL ANY SANE PERSON WITHOUT MY HELP  
?CG: IT’S ENOUGH TO MAKE ME FEEL SORRY FOR EGBERT TO BE SHOVED SO CRUELLY INTO A QUADRANT WITH SUCH A FLIGHTY BROAD.  
CTT: Are you going to get to the point, CG?  
?CG: ALRIGHT HERE IT IS. PLAIN AND FUCKING SIMPLE RIGHT.  
?CG: STOP TALKING TO KANAYA.  
CTT: Excuse me?  
?CG: THIS SHIT IS DISGUSTING. WHY THE FUCK CAN’T YOU HUMANS COPULATE WITH YOUR OWN GOGDAMN SPECIES.  
?CG: THERE ARE TWO HUMAN MALES AND A FEMALE RIGHT THERE FOR YOU TO CHOOSE FROM FOR FUCK’S SAKE. YOU ONLY HAVE ONE QUADRANT.  
CTT: Are you suggesting that I harbour some kind of Sapphic inclination towards Kanaya?  
?CG: WHAT THE FUCK.  
?CG: I WASN’T AWARE I NEEDED A FUCKING ENCYCLOPEDIA OF ALL YOUR USELESS HUMAN WORDS FOR THIS CONVERSATION.  
?CG: SHOW SOME CULTURAL SENSIVITY YOU CREEPY PINK HORNLESS PIECE OF SHIT  
CTT: I will endeavour to downgrade my vocabulary for you in future.  
?CG: BUT YEAH WHATEVER THE FUCK. BASICALLY, YOUR SNARKY HORSESHIT SEDUCTION STOPS HERE.  
?CG: IT’S DISGUSTING AND YOU SHOULD FEEL DISGUSTING.  
?CG: IT’S NOT LIKE YOU ARE THE ONLY HUMAN LEFT FOR FUCK’S SAKE. TAKE YOUR CREEPY HUMAN DESIRES ELSEWHERE  
?CG: YOU’VE SEEN THE DIAGRAM RIGHT?   
CTT: Unfortunately yes.  
CTT: I simply choose not to acknowledge anything quite so absurd.  
CTT: And poorly drawn.  
?CG: SHUT UP I WASN’T GOING FOR HIGH-CLASS FUCKING ART.  
?CG: I WASN’T THINKING  
?CG: OH MAN I BETTER SPEND HOURS AND HOURS CONSTRUCTING A PIECE OF ROMANTIC ART TO EXPRESS MY CREEPY NEPETA-ESQUE SHIPPING DESIRES.  
?CG: I WAS THINKING  
?CG: OKAY HOW THE FUCK CAN I GET ACROSS THIS VERY SIMPLE IDEA TO THIS BUNCH OF GRUBFUCKING IDIOTS.  
?CG: OH I KNOW A VERY QUICK PICTURE EVEN SOME STUPID HORSE COULDN’T MISUNDERSTAND.  
?CG: JEGUS. IT’S NOT THAT DIFFICULT.  
CTT: I’m inclined to wonder about your sudden interest in the so-called romantic endeavours of me and my friends.  
CTT: Is it possible you are harbouring some deep, interspecies desires yourself?  
CTT: You should consider whether or not you’re simply reflecting your own subconscious desires onto us.   
?CG: HAHAHA, FUCK OFF.  
?CG: FIRST OFF, I WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING CALIGNIOUS OR CONCUPISCENT WITH ONE OF YOUR DISGUSTING SPECIES.  
?CG: SECONDLY, STOP ACTING LIKE YOU HAVE A CLUE HOW OUR ROMANCE WORKS.  
?CG: I AM THE SOLE EXPERT IN THIS FIELD, WHILE YOU CAN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO WORK THROUGH THAT SINGLE ABSURD SQUARE THAT COUNTS FOR YOUR PITIFUL EXAMPLE OF ROMANCE.  
?CG: WATCHING YOU ATTEMPT TO CONVINCE ME YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING RANTIC ACUMEN AT ALL WOULD MAKE ME LAUGH IF I WASN’T ALREADY BUSY IN BEING SICK  
?CG: YOU ARE REALLY NO SMARTER THAN THOSE MALE HUMANS OR THAT UNATTRACTIVE BUTTSTINK GIRL.  
?CG: YOUR SPECIES IF FUCKING DOOMED.   
CTT: Well that certainly struck a nerve.  
CTT: The lady doth protest too much.  
CTT: Do you find yourself enraptured by Jade’s sweet smile, perhaps constructing a sonnet to convey to her the depths of your feelings?  
CTT: All in obnoxious grey capital letters, of course.  
?CG: BZZT WRONG. YOU AND STRIDER ARE LIKE TWO HALVES OF THE SAME INSUFFERABLE WHOLE I SWEAR.  
?CG: IT’S A GOOD JOB YOU HUMANS HAVE THIS RIDICULOUS INCEST TABOO.  
?CG: AN ENTIRE PLANET POPULATED BY YOUR AWFUL OFFSPRING WOULD PROBABLY COLLAPSE IN ON ITSELF.  
CTT: I am going to pretend I didn’t read that little piece of depravity.  
CTT: I’m still unconvinced you haven’t got some secret interspecies desires yourself.  
CTT: I’m attempting to compile my notes and get to the bottom of this. I believe it may help for you to talk about it.  
CTT: Perhaps it would shed some light on the matter if you would tell me more about your romantic endeavours with your own species?  
?CG: OH ALRIGHT I GUESS I’LL JUST LIE HERE AND TALK YOU THROUGH EVERY TINY BLACK AND RED MOMENT IN MY LIFE.  
?CG: MY CURRENT ROMANTIC SITUATION IS NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS, GOGDAMN.  
?CG: I TRY TO TELL YOU SOMETHING FOR ALL OUR GOODS AND YOU JUST ACT LIKE HEFTY SACKS OF MUSCLEBEAST SHIT.  
?CG: I AM ATTEMPTING TO SAVE YOUR MALES FROM BEING EATEN ALIVE BY OUR HYPER-COMPETITVE PSYCHO-BITCHES, AS WELL AS SPARE US ANY TROLL-HUMAN MAKEOUTS  
?CG: AND KANAYA’S INFACTUATION IS BOUND TO END IN ENDLESS TEARS JUST LIKE THE LAST.  
?CG: I AM SIMPLY ATTEMPTING TO MAKE THIS AS UNCOMPLICATED AS POSSIBLE  
?CG: THOUGH THAT MIGHT BE A LONG-LOST CAUSE AT THIS POINT.  
?CG: JUST LEAVE KANAYA ALONE FOR FUCK’S SAKE.  
CTT: For all your supposed expertise in this field, you still can’t seem to understand the simplest of concepts.  
CTT: To my knowledge, I am not in any sort of complicated romantic entanglement with Kanaya.  
CTT: I will talk to her however much I like, and she to I.  
?CG: AT LEAST CONVINCE STRIDER AND JOHN TO STOP RISKING THEIR WORTHLESS FUCKING LIVES TALKING TO TEREZI AND VRISKA.  
CTT: As much as I often feel I’m babysitting children around them, I’m not their mother.  
CTT: I’m not about to meddle with their lives on the advice of a deranged romance-obsessed teenager.  
?CG: FUCK. WHAT IS WITH YOU HUMANS. ARE YOU JUST ALL ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY INCAPABLE OF TAKING ANY ADVICE THAT ACTUALLY MAKES SENSE.  
?CG: YOU HAVE NO IDEA. THOSE TWO GIRLS YOUR FRIENDS ARE CONSORTING WITH ARE DANGEROUS. THEY’VE KILLED BOTH OF THEM AT LEAST ONE.  
?CG: ONE OF THEM SPENT HALF OF HER LIFE FEEDING HER FLARP BUDDIES TO HER MOTHER FOR GOD’S SAKE.  
?CG: AND YOU’RE CLEARLY OFF THE GOGDAMN DEEP END YOURSELF.  
?CG: IT SURE IS A BLAST BEING THE ONLY SANE PERSON LEFT IN THE ENTIRE FUCKING UNIVERSE. ESPECIALLY SINCE NOBODY LISTENS TO A WORD I SAY!  
CTT: Well.  
CTT: I will at least concede to being mildly concerned by these allegations of serial killing.  
CTT: However, I see little cause to worry about any adolescent feelings right now. There are much greater matters to be concerned by.  
CTT: Namely, the deconstruction of this game.  
CTT: Which I will be returning to post-haste.  
CTT: Please hesitate to harass me with any more of your shipping nonsense.  
  
CURRENT tentacleTherapist stopped responding to memo.  
  
?CG: NO WAIT  
?CG: STUPID FLIGHTY FUCKING BROAD.  



End file.
